Remember Cabaret? That memorable 70s film starring Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey as entertainers in Berlin's Kit Kat Club in the 1930s?
Now that was entertainment. For one thing, Minnelli knows how to keep the audience interested, and Joel Grey was plenty colorful as the MC. Many have tried to duplicate that sense of wonder and entertainment, more often than not falling short of the mark.
To my regret, director Steve Antin's Burlesque fits perfectly within the latter category, a real mess of a film which relies heavily on elements of several recent showbiz-related films while still containing good music and songs...for the most part.
What the film doesn't have is a cohesive story, one which would justify the extraneous characters, dubious subplots and other forgettable pieces you're stuck looking at for two hours. It was one of those rare instances where I found myself quoting Cher's hits. In this case in particular, "If I Could Turn Back Time."
What is Burlesque All About?
Young aspiring singer Alison "Ali" Rose (pop star Christina Aguilera) is a small town waitress who dreams of making it big in Los Angeles. A capable but closeted singer (she usually spends her off-hours singing along to a jukebox by herself in an empty diner), Ali wants to become a star and use her considerable voice,
Buying a one-way ticket to California, Ali quickly realizes that the City of Angels, full of promise and dreams, is anything but. After several attempts trying to find a job as a singer (not to mention getting her seedy hotel room ransacked), Ali finds her way to a neon-colored club off the beaten path. The club, Burlesque, owned by Tess (Cher, Moonstruck) and her ex-husband Vincent (Peter Gallagher, American Beauty), offers a bevy of scantily clad beauties who perform lip-synched tributes to the greats of yesteryear.
Though Ali can't get herself noticed as a potential newcomer, she still manages to get herself a job as server, through the help of the club's hunky bartender (Cam Gigandet, Twilight). Before you know it, Ali finds a way to the stage due to the absence of Nikki, the club's lead attraction (Kristen Bell, You Again) and starts to sing live when Nikki cuts the playback in a fit of jealousy.
Suddenly, the club finds new life thanks to the golden voice of its table-serving ingenue. Just in time in fact, because a powerful investor (Eric Dane, TV's Grey's Anatomy) is seeking to buy out the club from Tess in order to build a fast-selling condo high rise.
Can Ali's newfound success help Tess retain her club? Can music conquer all?
Burlesque a Mishmash of Scotched Taped Clichés
I'd be lying if I didn't say I couldn't find similarities to half a dozen semi-recent films within the script by Steve Antin (who, by the way, played Troy the snarky preppie in The Goonies once upon a time). You have the mentor looking to guide her young and eager pupil, not unlike Bryan Brown and Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Check. You then have the predictable rivalry between the newcomer and the established starlet, not unlike Showgirls or, if you have a modicum of film taste, All About Eve. Gotcha.
Powerful and wealthy man who may require the attentions of the new star in order to possibly prevent a hostile takeover of the club, while a gifted poet/songwriter quietly professes his unrequited love in the corner of the room? Moulin Rouge, anyone?
In any case, if you're looking for anything to happen on the screen in order to keep you interested, you're likely to need to fast forward (or skip ahead, in Bluray terms) to about 48 minutes in, at which point Aguilera starts belting out powerful tunes, albeit still a bit over over-souled.
Nevertheless, unlike that other former Mouseketeer currently under conservatorship, this girl can sing. And that she does. If it weren't for the prerequired release of this film, I'd have easily said the film's soundtrack could easily have stood on its own.
Cher seems extraneous here, but of course the entire film's plot seems an homage to her long but fading career. Even the Diane Warren written song "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me", indirectly suggests her undeniable and eventual status as a star of yesteryear. The fact that her face seems incapable of moving (too much botox or plastic surgery, perhaps?) doesn't help, and would make Keanu Reeves seem emotional by comparison, in any other film.
The film makes a habit out of misusing its characters. Eric Dane's investor never appears threatening or dangerous, nor does Cam Gigandet's Jack ever really strike the audience as "the one" for Ali. Bravo for including Alan Cumming in the film; if only he'd been in there for more than five minutes, and given more than three lines to utter.
The sole redeeming factor in this otherwise forgettable mess is Stanley Tucci as Tess' gay friend and stage manager Sean. In this spectacle of songs and dance, his performance comes across as the most credible. Tucci enjoys some great one-liners, and provides some humor or wisdom as needed.
The Final Word on Burlesque
If you live on a steady diet of Cher or Xtina and must have this film on your shelf, then I can't really anything to stop you. Otherwise, might I suggest you either settle for the soundtrack, or watch the film with your eyes closed.
For such an ineptly named film, I'd at least figure they'd have wanted to call it Cabaret 2. There isn't any suggestion to the contrary during the whole running time. Then again, I also wasted two hours of my time twenty years ago, watching Searching for Bobby Fischer when it should really have been called The Kid Who Could Really Play Chess Like Bobby Fischer.
Burlesque Blu-ray: 2 out of 5 (because of the good songs), or 1 out of 5 (not counting the music)
Dominic Messier - Dominic Messier is a Toronto-based Film & TV writer, Sci-Fi TV and Film Dramas Topic Editor, and creator of PopCultureLandscape.com
