Having been a fan of Guillermo Del Toro ever since I first saw Hellboy, its sequel as well as the excellent Pan's Labyrinth, I never expected to see such an uninspired product as Don't Be Afraid of the Dark hit the screen anytime soon.
Nevertheless, equipped with a pretty straightforward plot, some disinterested actors and shoddy pacing, this film manages to take you for a ride for a little over 90 minutes, while expecting you to forego simple expectations such as acting talent, plot or usable dialogue.
What is Don't Be Afraid of the Dark All About?
Little Sally (Bailee Madison) is being sent by her dismissive mother to live with her architect father Alex (Guy Pearce) at a sprawling estate a few hours out of the city. After landing at the airport to meet them, Sally is introduced to Kim (Katie Holmes), Alex's colleague and lover. Cautious not to be perceived as an evil stepmother type, Kim tries (and fails) to make friends with Sally, and leaves her to her own devices, free to roam the premises.
It isn't long before the young girl discovers that there are small voices coming from the air vents, calling out to her, asking her to be their friend. Soon Sally and her dad discover an unused basement, whose ash trap has been bolted shut, with ancient runes engraved over it. Determined to find out where the voices are coming from, Sally sneaks back down to try and crack open the grate. Like Pandora's box, little Sally has no idea what she just unleashed, small horrifying creatures hellbent on taking Sally down to their netherworld, even if it means killing everyone else in the house.
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Don't Be Afraid of the Dark?
That's a pretty loaded question. The movie is rife with inconsistencies, plot holes large enough for Bigfoot to mosey on through, and a premise so weak and shaky that one can barely keep their eyes, nay, their minds, occupied with the story at hand.
First issue? Alex is supposed to be a brilliant architect who has just spent months restoring the home he currently lives in. Is it too much to ask that he figure out the existence of a basement to his own home?
Secondly, very little (or not enough) information is given regarding these miniature basement dwellers. They are described as hellish creatures, which by the way resemble cousins to the Gravelings seen on TV's Dead Like Me. Past the fact that they are mischievous, sharp toothed little demons, their reason for existing in that house's basement is never really explained.
Finally, you'd be hard pressed to find a single iota of decent acting in this putrid turd of a remake. Both Pearce and Holmes look pained to even be in this lemon, while little Bailie Madison does her best Emily the Strange, prepubescent goth-in-training little hellion all on her own. I'd encourage you to feel for her plight over the course of the movie, but by the halfway mark you too will most probably wish to take her down to the dark pits of hell.
Bonus Features?
Well, there are a couple...some artwork as provided by producer-writer Del Toro, as well as a decent-length documentary on the making of this film. The F/X discussion regarding the creatures is interesting, but that's about it.
The Final Word on Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
This was a painful and terrifying experience. The terror came when I realized an hour and a half had passed while I sat hoping to see this beleaguered family survive their own personal hell, only to wish them a worse fate later on. I suggest you rent this only if every single other movie in the video store is already gone.
Or go read a good book. Chances are, you'll get more out of that experience than watching this affront to horror movies.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark Blu-Ray: 1 out of 5
Dominic Messier - Dominic Messier is a Toronto-based Film & TV writer, Sci-Fi TV and Film Dramas Topic Editor, and creator of PopCultureLandscape.com
